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Getting Ready To Say Goodbye.

Discussion in 'Green Iguanas' started by replover, Jul 17, 2015.

  1. replover

    replover Elite Member

    Not all of you will remember me, but I was one of the first group of people to start posting here, or close to it, when I got my iguana in 2005.

    Those of you who remember me, may remember my iguana, which was probably not a baby, but an underfed yearling, which was showing early signs of MBD, I saw at the pet shop. I didn't know too much about iguanas then yet, and I simply chose him because he was the biggest one of the bunch there (probably unsold from a previous shipment, and they just dumped the new, young ones into the tank).

    I took him home, and with the help of many here, figured out what to do, and nursed him back to health. Flipping through the posts here, I see my excited posts about his first head bob, pooping hijinks, etc. Some moments I remember, some I have long forgotten.

    10 years went by, just like that. Unfortunately, after a long long struggle, it is now nearing time to say goodbye. I won't go into all the details. My vet has said yesterday that there isn't much else we can do, and while it must be my decision, that his medical opinion is that it is time to say goodbye.

    I don't know how it is supposed to be my decision. I wish I could ask him if he wants to live for a few more months, or for me to end his suffering now.

    I don't know how I can give the vet the green light, to KILL him. I feel like I would be betraying his trust. He does trust me. But he can hardly walk, doesn't eat, and lost about a third of his bodyweight within the last 3 weeks. I would gladly give him one of my kidneys, if it would rertore him to health, but we all know that isn't possible.

    I trust that my vet is right about the medical facts, but it doesn't make any sense. I have been trying to SAVE him, now I have to let my vet kill him.

    Perhaps I am selfish, and am just caring about my feelings, and how I would "live with myself" when I give my vet the ok to go ahead. But I really feel that he himself should be the one deciding to live or to go, if I let him get killed, without him knowing, I feel like I am betraying him.

    I don't want to hear all the rubbish people say to me. Forget the "just buy another one" people. I don't even want to hear all the rubbish about "its not your fault" or "you did everything you could". Fact is, OF COURSE IT'S MY FAULT! I am the owner, it is ALWAYS my fault. And while I did try, did I really do EVERYYHING I could? There are always the "what if I did this" or "what if I didn't do that"s. To be perfectly honest, there have been moments during this 2 plus year and tens of thousands of dollars struggle, that I just wished he was dead. For that, I am sorry. Today, I went through my phone contacts to find a friend to talk to, but fact is, I have hardly been out socially for two years. I stopped exercising, and have been eating rubbish junk and cigarettes for over 2 years to stay home to deal with this. I even stopped shaving. I discovered today I have no more friends left. Let this be my punishment, or at least part of it. However God wants to punish me, fine, but leave my other animals alone. Punish me, and only me, please.

    I'm so so so so sorry.

    Ohhhh! Tyler! I am so so so so sorry.
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2015
  2. murrindindi

    murrindindi Elite Member

    Hi, the only answer is to put the Iguana out of it`s suffering asap because you care greatly and that`s what`s best.
    It has nothing to do with any god, it`s your decision and you are punishing yourself and your pet if you know nothing more can be done to improve the condition and prolong it`s life. In this case death will be a relief...
     
  3. DwarvenChef

    DwarvenChef Elite Member

    If you had not bought him 10 years ago he may very well have died long ago. You gave him 10 years he didn't have at the pet store.

    Time to let him rest.
     
    Buggy0123, Darkbird and hnw1989 like this.
  4. Merlin

    Merlin Administrator Staff Member Premium Member

    Anthony, stop beating yourself up. You did the best you could. Sometimes, no matter who you are or what you do it just doesn't make any difference. These things happen to those of us who share our lives with animals.
    And in all fairness to the vet, it is your decision. All the vet can do is make recommendations, in the end, the iguana is in your care.
    It's a hard decision and I have had to make that decision more times in my life that I care to remember. But its a decision that has to be made. Otherwise you are condemning the animal to who knows how much pain and suffering.
    As much effort as you have put into this I would not expect you to allow that to happen.
     
  5. Darkbird

    Darkbird Moderator Staff Member

    While I'm not familiar with your story, I have been in your position more than once. You have my sympathy. Remember that our little friends rely on us for everything, even making decisions that are in their best interest, since they just don't have the ability. I know that doesn't make it any easier, but that's a sad part of the responsibility we accept as keepers.
     
  6. lisas

    lisas Elite Member

    It sounds like you have been a wonderful buddy to your iguana and it is OK to listen to the vet and let him go. I was completely depressed when my blue tongue skink died and blamed myself but I will never know the what ifs even after analyzing everything for a year or more. I know mistakes that I made, but even when conditions were perfect, he was a horrible eater. Please don't do to yourself what I did to myself. Let your animal go with peace if it is his time and know you did right by him. You will have to grieve and I joined a pet loss forum to help me. Time helped best though.
     
  7. replover

    replover Elite Member

    Does anyone know if Dominick is still around? I see he hasn't logged in for a long time. I'd like to talk to him.
     
  8. Merlin

    Merlin Administrator Staff Member Premium Member

    No Anthony, Dom really isn't involved much with the site anymore
     
  9. kriminaal

    kriminaal HH Block Leader Staff Member Premium Member

    Wow 10 yrs did go fast.
    Like already said, you gave him a great life he would not have had without you. It's hard to let go, but really it's best for him.
    I am not one of those people who makes loved ones suffer til the end. I have had to make the choice before and I always believe it's the right one.
    I guess the 'right time' to do it I one go by what the vet says.
     
  10. replover

    replover Elite Member

    Before the vet was able to schedule to come to my house, Tyler passed away sometime last night/this morning.

    May he rest in peace.

    Goodbye my friend...
     
  11. kriminaal

    kriminaal HH Block Leader Staff Member Premium Member

    I'm glad you didn't have to make the decision.
    Maybe he knew that and didn't want you to make it either.
     
  12. Eagle

    Eagle Member

    Replover, your iguana made his/her decision to live or die in a little more than a week. I was faced with the same decision, posed to me by my vet, 8 years ago with Audrey, my wonderful female who suffered a spinal injury and has been paraplegic ever since. I admit...I tried to see things from her perspective...wondering if she'd "rather die" I made the decision NOT to euthanize her, and 8 years later, she's still a VERY happy and healthy, although paraplegic iguana who is best friends with my cat. She is still every bit as curious as any iguana should be, eats the same amount of food, and still poops (with my help a couple of times a week). She just turned 15...and has been paraplegic since she was 7. STILL goin strong...LOVIN life from what I can tell...and her vet suggested I have her put down 8 years ago. Euthanasia is ALWAYS a conflict of conscience with your babies. Its NEVER easy. Anthony, if you're looking for someone to talk to, I don't want to speak for him or nothin, but Merlin is a die-hard. He has NEVER flinched in helping people with their igs. He has always offered help, with speed, and intensity...he has never quit or given up. You can talk to me too...I've lost a dear baby early in her life. Sometimes, when its quiet, I still cry thinking about her looking into my eyes as she breathed her last breath due to a fatal concussion. I loved Mercury so deeply. Don't give up, Replover, you can make a HUGE difference in the life of an iguana with what you've learned.
     
    murrindindi likes this.

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