Not all of you will remember me, but I was one of the first group of people to start posting here, or close to it, when I got my iguana in 2005. Those of you who remember me, may remember my iguana, which was probably not a baby, but an underfed yearling, which was showing early signs of MBD, I saw at the pet shop. I didn't know too much about iguanas then yet, and I simply chose him because he was the biggest one of the bunch there (probably unsold from a previous shipment, and they just dumped the new, young ones into the tank). I took him home, and with the help of many here, figured out what to do, and nursed him back to health. Flipping through the posts here, I see my excited posts about his first head bob, pooping hijinks, etc. Some moments I remember, some I have long forgotten. 10 years went by, just like that. Unfortunately, after a long long struggle, it is now nearing time to say goodbye. I won't go into all the details. My vet has said yesterday that there isn't much else we can do, and while it must be my decision, that his medical opinion is that it is time to say goodbye. I don't know how it is supposed to be my decision. I wish I could ask him if he wants to live for a few more months, or for me to end his suffering now. I don't know how I can give the vet the green light, to KILL him. I feel like I would be betraying his trust. He does trust me. But he can hardly walk, doesn't eat, and lost about a third of his bodyweight within the last 3 weeks. I would gladly give him one of my kidneys, if it would rertore him to health, but we all know that isn't possible. I trust that my vet is right about the medical facts, but it doesn't make any sense. I have been trying to SAVE him, now I have to let my vet kill him. Perhaps I am selfish, and am just caring about my feelings, and how I would "live with myself" when I give my vet the ok to go ahead. But I really feel that he himself should be the one deciding to live or to go, if I let him get killed, without him knowing, I feel like I am betraying him. I don't want to hear all the rubbish people say to me. Forget the "just buy another one" people. I don't even want to hear all the rubbish about "its not your fault" or "you did everything you could". Fact is, OF COURSE IT'S MY FAULT! I am the owner, it is ALWAYS my fault. And while I did try, did I really do EVERYYHING I could? There are always the "what if I did this" or "what if I didn't do that"s. To be perfectly honest, there have been moments during this 2 plus year and tens of thousands of dollars struggle, that I just wished he was dead. For that, I am sorry. Today, I went through my phone contacts to find a friend to talk to, but fact is, I have hardly been out socially for two years. I stopped exercising, and have been eating rubbish junk and cigarettes for over 2 years to stay home to deal with this. I even stopped shaving. I discovered today I have no more friends left. Let this be my punishment, or at least part of it. However God wants to punish me, fine, but leave my other animals alone. Punish me, and only me, please. I'm so so so so sorry. Ohhhh! Tyler! I am so so so so sorry.