Welcome to HerpCenter! There are a number of long time iguana keepers here!
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Originally Posted by IguanaRescued
i have fed him a few veggies by hand, and he seems ok with that, but if I try to reach in too far he hisses and gets tense.(with out the food in my hand). his cage he came in is definitely too small for him, so maybe he feels trapped.
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This is a good assumption. In a small enclosure the ig has no where to run to in order to get away from you so its only choice is to defend itself. Watch your fingers!

These guys can produce some serious bites! Like Emergency Room trip serious! Iguanas have the same sort of teeth as a mako shark!
The fact that it will eat from your fingers is a good sign. And again watch your fingers,...the iguana won't!
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how much should I feed a 3.5 foot iguana and how often?
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You feed daily, in the morning, and an ig that size can eat quite a bit. My female goes through roughly 3 cups of food a day. What are you feeding it? Iguanas dietary needs are pretty complicated.
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how can i tell how old he might be?
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There's really no way to be sure. The rate that an iguana grows is dependant on how well its been cared for and how it is fed. Good conditions equal rapid growth. Poor conditions and you could have a 10 year old ig that is 2 ft long.
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is an Iguana that large that seems stressed still tameable?
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Yes but there are no guarantees. You just have to work with him. Beleive it or not the iguana is far more afraid of you than you are of him! it just takes time, sometimes LOTS of time
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if i were to let him out of his cage, will he run away or want to just roam around?
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At this point it is anyone's guess but if there is an avenue for escape,..expect the iguana to take it. It takes a long time to win an ig's trust and if it has been mistreated it will take even longer. But its worth it.
Please check out our iguana care articles, here.
http://www.herpcenter.com/a/
And make sure you have a UVB lighting source.this is imperative for the iguana's health.
The best money you could spend is to pick up a copy of James Hatfeild's "Green Iguana The Ultimate Owners Guide". Best book on the market for my money. And don't let the imposing size of the book put you off. its a very easy and entertaining read.