[The D]

awwwww you guys should know i'll always come running back to you :P

[Moshpitrockchick]

D! it hasn't been nearly as insane without you....

[schlegelbagel]

rant time.

again.

Todd and I aren't rich. We aren't poor, but we aren't loaded by any means. We went to a friends house for new years day yesterday. They are expecting their 2nd and 3rd child (twins) in about 5 months. They are about our age and started bugging us about when we were going to have kids. When we said we didn'nt have a plan, they started telling us we should have them now, and i'm not getting any younger, blah blah blah and basically how can we be married and not be jumping on the baby wagon.

At this point I wanted to clock him in the head.

THEN. They started bugging us about how we don't live in a single family home. We live in a townhouse. Its not big, its not lavish. We don't have 3 big screen LCD TV's like they do. ****, we don't even have HD or an HD tv. We have a brand new heat pump that is only 1/2 paid off. We live within our means. They live within their means, they just happen to make a lot more money than we do.

"How on earth can you raise kids where you live, and why don't you live closer to where you work? You should live closer, then we wouldn't be spending so much money on gas and time commuting. How can you raise kids in that house? Isn't it too small? So what's your plan on moving out of that house and into a single family home? You know you could get into a single family home these days for $400k in this area."

Don't you think we would be in a single family home if we could afford to be in one?

That last one really ****ed me off. I basically left and when I got into the car was in tears. He really made me feel like **** because we live in a town home and don't have kids. He made me feel like **** because we can't afford to live in a fancy single family home like they do.

I have been really neurotic about wanting a child lately, but every time I think about it, I get panicked because I have no idea how we would financially make it work out.

Sometimes I think people think we make more money than we really do. I think the next time they ask us why we haven't done any of these things, I may just ask them what they think we make.

[Lyn]

You call these people friends??? Anyways...dont let it bother you...when you are ready to have a kid, then you will have one ...or not...its up to you and Todd....oh and dont wait until you can afford one...it wont happen LOL....I have 7 I cant afford and a grandchild soon to be born....it's never a dull moment....Best wishes!!

[schlegelbagel]

every time we hang out with them, i feel more frustrated than having fun. Who needs that? The only problem is Todd is good friends with the husband and he is the one that irks me. The husband is VERY hard headed and thinks that his way is the only way. He probably thinks he is doing us a favor.

I think Todd takes it less personally than I do.

[Merlin]

Don't sweat it Liz! There will always be people who are eager to try to run your life for you. What you make, how and where you live, and whether you will, or will not, have children, or even when, is nobody's business but yours.
Next time the guy gets on his high horse just tell him if you wanted his opinion you'd slap him and give it to him!

[venus]

Tooootally agree on the never have enough money to start a family. Dont let it get to you, then once you have children, they will tell you how to raise them, lol.

[nicole]

dont worry about what other people think of you, or say about you,,, if I did I would have died from a heart attack by now, lol. Some people can be really arrogant and really cruel.
Kids are your choice, not his. If you dont feel comfortable with having them, then dont,, if you do then do.
As far as your house goes,, you can raise a child in a townhouse if you want,, I see it everyday,, there is nothing wrong with that.

I had just turned seventeen when I had my oldest son,,I started out in some crappy single wide mobile home, that had new carpet, that was all I could afford at the time and at least the carpet was clean so he could crawl on it and play without getting fungus amongus, lol. Mcdonalds didnt pay much back in the day, lol. It took me three years to work on education, college, and land a good job where I could by my own home. things always work themselves out. Your home is a from being unfit to raise kids. I can say there are people on this very forum who have raised kids in townhouses and apartments, condos, etc. Its not the house you live in (as long as its not just disgusting, lol ) its the love, time, caring and patience it takes to raise kids.
you dont have to have HD tv or any of that fancy junk, thats not whats important.
I can tell you with working where I have I have seen some of the better parents come from poor,poor homes. Without all that junk you have nothing but quality time with your kids. I have also seen some of the worst, self absorbed, stingy, good for nothing parents come out of the suburbs.
Your home is not what makes you a good parent,, YOU are what makes you a good parent no matter where you live!

You know the old saying,,, dont sweat the small stuff,,, and dont pet the sweaty stuff

[schlegelbagel]

I know you don't have to be rich to have a family. My parents were far from rich. And yes he does come from money. I have another set of friends that also come from money, and they couldn't fathom why when our heat pump went up, we could no longer go on a trip to Mexico.

Next time they ask us why we aren't moving into a single family home, I'm going to flat out tell them we simply cannot afford it. I bet they shut the he11 up then.

He also told us we should get an HD LCD tv "because the prices have really dropped. You can get a 48" one for under $2000 now."

SHEESH.

[Typhanie]

Liz, it sounds like these people are nursing the "the more stuff I have, the better parent I am" child rearing theory. Don't let them fool you. That's the worst thing you can do to a kid.

I was raised on hand-me-down clothes, yard sale toys and a library card, in apartments - plural, because we moved every two years or so when the rent would skyrocket and we could no longer afford it. But I was also really happy. Our family was about quality time spent together. We did crafts, we read together, sang, etc. I never felt like I was missing anything.

And, yes, I knew the difference. I was raised in Northern VA. I was surrounded by kids whose parents were RICH. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Really wealthy. They'd come to school talking about their new stuff all the time. But a lot of them had parents who worked literally night and day, and who barely spent any time with their kids at all. They were definitely not happy - even though they had huge homes and lots of stuff.

Just make sure to give your child a lot of love. I guarantee he'll be so much happier with that than a bunch of new toys, or a free standing house. And don't let anyone put you down for it.