I just have to post about this for some reason I feel compelled to do so. But gosh I dont want to seem preachy! So please dont take this the wrong way. I have been through a lot of crapola in my life and if ya want I'll tell you about it some other time. It always seems better because you arent in the other persons life. And all I know is that when I wanted desperately a better life...a better love a better anything...I never found it and I am glad cause I needed to fix MYSELF/and grow up a whole lot! It all found me when I wasn't looking and when I was really ready for it.
And learning from it is the key. Gosh this is all sounding so contrite and I dont mean it that way! But please try to find my meaning and take care
Gabrielle
and remember we all go through a dry spell desert period whatever you want to call it.

yes, i know. I went to personal therapy for over a year and did get a lot better. Maybe I need to go back for a tune up or something. I dunno. Maybe I feel like I did mine time for crapola and shouldn't things turn around nice for a while? Just a little while at least?

And when I say I went through crapola, i really mean crapola. Like so bad I debated suicide one afternoon, but I pulled myself out (thank god). I made me much better for me and I am in a much better place than I was in the Fall of 2005. I am thankful for that. I guess I feel like I'm not quite 100% back on my toes yet.

I also feel like I lost a good year or two of my life being in such a low space, and I'm trying to get it back.

I go through that with my youngest son, He is developmentally delayed and has Perthes disease, sometimes I just wonder what the H### I did and why he was being punished for it. I have to fight with everyone at the school to get him what my tax dollars say he is entitled to have. He wants to run hard like the other kids but cant, he tries so hard to learn things and doesnt get it,, then cries and shuts down,, he is a wonderful little boy!
I will have to say one day I was feeling sorry for myself and we were at childrens hospital, discussing the fact that he would need a surgery to shave his hip bones down, as I was leaving I took the wrong way and ended up in the cancer ward, just in time to witness a team of people working on this little boy, maybe 5 or so, the mother on her kneesin the hallway begging god to give her one more day, it did not work out for her...................
I was so shocked that all I could do was stand there, wide eyed and hold my son.
When I finally realized what I had just witnessed, I walked away holding my son with tears streaming down my face, I could not stop crying (the pain I felt for her was unreal)
I then realized I should stop feeling sorry for myself and be grateful for what I have, because it is definately not like hers, and I know she would give anything to be in my shoes and be able to kiss and hold her son.
Everytime I get that way I just think about her and the pain she must be going through,, and I thank my lucky starts for my babies, each and every one of them.....